opinions

I think I care too much about what people think. I have always told myself that I don't, but this past week some things have come out about the pressure I feel from people who are close to me. I let this pressure dictate how I interact with them and thus, our relationship is formed by it. My husband says it puts me in the position of always being everyone's servant. That the good of the relationship is up to how I please them. I have to say, that is how I feel most of the time. I have a few good friends who are still interested in me for being me after all the years I have said and done stupid things. All the times I have not been a good friend to them, they still are there. My family will always be there. They are very supportive of me. But even with close friends and family I always know will be there for me, I feel this pressure to do what is right in THEIR eyes. To be something that looks good to THEM. I always thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, but it turns out, I think I am hiding a lot of it. I think. I am not sure. I am 32 years old. I should know who I am. I know I do more now than when I was in my teens and twenties. But regardless, I need to get rid of this PRESSURE I have built up in my mind that I need to please the people around me and make myself into something that looks good to them. I just need to be me in all of my mess ups and changes and whatever else, without thinking that I won't matter to someone else if I do. Can't I just be thankful for the person God made me to be? Can't I be kind and forgiving and still be myself? Can't I love with the heart of Christ and still be me? Yes. I don't know how, but I think so. That is why He created me right? To be that one piece of the puzzle that no other piece can fill. Ok. So, I want to let people know what I think sometimes without being afraid of hurting their feelings. I want to have a valid opinion in my life and feel like it's worth something even if it doesn't match what other people think. Now that I have a place to write stuff, I think I will put out my opinions a little more. I will show myself. There is good stuff. I am always learning how to be better, how to love more, how to be a child of Christ more. And then, there is the ugly stuff. Stuff that needs to be refined and cast out. I am willing to be pruned so that more fruit will grow. Time to stop letting my fruit fall to the ground. Time to believe in myself a little more. Time to dive into God's Word more and BELIEVE what He says! To renew my mind.