The b word (budget... thats what you thought I meant right?)

Budgets are so hard. Maybe it's just because we are in the beginning stages of one that it has been kind of stressful, but it just seems to reveal all my selfishness.

Each time we go through it I think how much we have, despite how tight the money is. I think that if only I would give up my eight dollar a month netflix, what else I could do with that money. Eight bucks doesn't sound like much, but in a budget like ours, it seems like it would soften some edges sometimes. I could give more, I could save it for more dates with my husband, I could get my kids a new outfit or a toy when I felt like it rather than ever so strategically every time.

But then I think, if I did just get things when I felt like it all the time (I still do, and that is why we are over budget this month :p ) we'd be dead broke in no time! So would I rather be broke or know when to buy even though it takes a few weeks or months before I have the money to get it? Gee, I guess I don't want to be broke. But even though we won't necessarily go broke if we stick with the budget, it still takes a lot of self-discipline, practice, and patience. Mostly things that don't come easily. I find the more we stick to the budget the less my husband and I fight, the less I stress, and the more he and I are able to understand each other.    

Budgets are good, but budgets are hard. They force me to look at my life in a much more responsible way. It's not fake, there is no pretending, it just is. I have to change much more than my buying habits when I stick to a budget.

Whether or not I am ready to change, here it comes. I am sure it is for the better, but does it have to be so painful?