everyday

I think I am discovering something about myself...

Side note: Those moments always seem to be a double edged sword. Now I know how I operate, so either I stick within the bounds of my new found knowledge, OR, when I fall outside those bounds of smoother operation, I feel like a failure. I know I messed up because I know how I could have been better.

It must always be better to know myself more, but dang, when I wanna be lazy, I sure do reap the consequences!

So back to what I have found out about myself.
I am an all or nothing kind of person.  Not in everything, but most things.
If I am going to exercise, I had better do it everyday. If I skip a day, usually no big deal. But when the next "skip-a-day" comes and the day right after that is a "skip-a-day" too, It is SO much easier to fall into that "I am only going to skip today" routine. Before you know it, the whole week went by I haven't lifted a toe to exercise.

I am the same with chores, eating healthy, cooking, getting dressed in the morning... blah blah blah.
There is no such thing as starting slow with me or I just won't do it!

I have made myself come back to this blog everyday (even though no one reads it) and write everyday, because I know that if I let myself "skip-a-day" then I will skip 2, then probably 4, and so on til you never see me here again.

I couldn't come back anyway, for all the shame I would feel at two failed attempts at blogging!! (That looks like a pretty deep hole I just dug)
Maybe that is why I have not done any advertising for my blog. Like, really, none. I have not told family, friends or anyone besides my husband. I didn't even want to tell him! I felt slightly awkward telling him I was "Blogging" in the first place. It sounds so... with it. or something.

I highly dislike the feeling of failure, or not being competent, or knowing what I am doing, or laziness, or anything else that comes with not finishing what you started.
It is scary to let people know that I might actually not be really good at something I do (even though they have probably figured it out already.). So even though this blog is public, I have not been public about it. Maybe I need to change that.
My heart is beating faster just thinking about it...

This is my contemplative picture. I don't look very contemplative. I'll have to find a different one next time. But my cool friend took it and I think it is pretty awesome. She is an awesome photographer.

photo by Krista Heeringa, Sub Zero Potography